If Britney Spears’ comeback doesn’t go so well, she’s got a backup career: phone sex operator!

Spears will send you, absolutely free, a pre-recorded story of your choice from MidnightFantasyBritneySpears.com. The promotional website for her latest fragrance, Midnight Fantasy, allows visitors to send a personalized voice message from Brit to a friend’s phone or e-mail address. Users can pick activities, gifts and nicknames from a list of pre-recorded words — which come together to make a “fantasy.” A fantasy in itself.

With gift options such as a six-pack of beer, it appears that even Britney’s fantasies are trashy. Unfortunately, a bag of Cheetos is not an option